Thieves' Guild One-Shots
by StrawberryMnM
Summary: What happened while Gambit was a child? Go and find out in this group of delightful one-shots about all of Gambit's misadventures!
1. The Beginning of the Cuteness

Hey everyone! This is Strawberry M&M! I'm sure you all feel honored to meet me, but let me assure you, I am just like everyone else, no need to treat me special even though I happen to be a very popular celebrity!

This story hasn't been Beta-read, so...Please forgive any mistakes.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution or any characters of the Thieves' Guild. They all belong to Marvel and that old guy, Stan Lee.

Warnings: ...None so far.

* * *

A boy raced down the streets of New Orleans. He purposefully bumped into a man who was walking by and tried to steal his wallet. Apparently, something had gone wrong because a hand shot out and grabbed the boy's hair, yanking him back roughly.

"What do y' think y' doin', boy?" the man snarled. He whirled to boy around to see his face and was surprised when he saw a pair of red and black eyes. "What's y' name, kid?" he asked softly, formulating a plan as he removed his hand from the boy's hair..

"...Remy, sir," the boy answered.

"Well, _Remy_, how would you like a hot meal?" the man asked.

"...Who are you?" Remy asked.

"Ah, smart boy. Always figure out who y' dealin' with before y' take up a proposition," the man nodded. "De name's Jean-Luc LeBeau, patriarch of de Thieves' Guild."

"...I know y'," Remy tried to back away, but Jean-Luc had a firm grip on his shoulder. "I've heard rumors..."

"Ah, well, just forget de nasty stuff y' heard in said rumors, eh?" Jean-Luc smirked. "Y' know how rumors are, most of them are just lies wit' a sprinkle of truth."

Remy just nodded.

"But how 'bout it? Would y' like a hot meal?" Jean-Luc asked again.

Remy nodded.

"_Bon_. Now, how would y' like t' be able to have a home?"

"Dat would be nice, but no one would take moi in wit' my eyes," Remy sighed.

"Well, I don' know about other people, but I would be happy t' bring y' into _mon_ family."

"Really?" Remy perked up.

"Of course, _mon petite_," Jean-Luc smiled. "I'd be glad to have another pair of little feet runnin' around de house." That was a lie. There was enough little feet running through the mansion already.

"How can I trust y'?"

"Someone say there's no honor among thieves," Jean-Luc said. "But dat's not true. How about dis, you come an' stay for _une nuit _an if it don't work out, no hard feelings."

Jean-Luc offered Remy his hand, and after a moment's hesitation, Remy took it.

* * *

Twelve-year-old Henri sat on his bed as he continued to read a book. His father had gone out an hour ago, not that that was anything new. His father had a habit of leaving.

"Hey, everybody!" his father's voice boomed out. From the sound of it, Father was at the front door. "Look what de cat dragged in!"

Henri bolted up. The only time Father sounded that cheerful was when he had thought up another money-making scheme that could only lead to trouble. He raced out of his room and down the stairs and to the front door. When he got there, he froze.

There, standing in the doorway, was a little boy with red and black eyes.

"Y' stole a kid?!" Henri blurted out, wide-eyed.

"Steal 'im? Nah. There was a little boy livin' on de streets, and I decided it would be nice t' have another son, so, I brought 'im home!" Father smirked. "Meet y' new brother!"

"But...why?" Henri asked.

"He needed a home, Henri," Father said. "Do I need any more reason than takin' in a poor orphan boy?"

* * *

Tante Mattie hurried to the front door. She knew something was up. However, she was not expecting to see a dirty little boy trying to disappear into the corner. She knew all of the children of the Thieves' Guild, and he was not one of them.

"Who's dat?" she asked.

"Dis is Remy," Jean-Luc answered, smugly. "I've decided to adopt him."

"Hmph," Tante Mattie looked at him, trying to figure out what he was plotting. She realized what his plan was once she saw the boy's eyes. "So dat's why y' doin' it." she nodded. Jean-Luc smirked. Tante Mattie scowled. "Fine. Theo! Etienne! EMIL! Get over here! Y' just got a new cousin!"

* * *

Remy looked around nervously. There was an older boy near the stairs looking at the scene, and there was an old lady with a cane near a door on the left. She looked mad. The only person he knew there was Jean-Luc, and Remy still wasn't sure if he could be trusted.

Three boys bounded into the room. One was a blond, the other a red-head, and finally, a brunet. The blond and red-head looked around Remy's age, but the brunet looked a year or two older.

"Cousin?" the red-head looked around expectantly. He spotted Remy. "COUSIN!" And before Remy could blink, the red-head had launched himself at Remy and tackled him in a hug.

"Emil!" the older boy near the stairs cried. "Get off 'im! Y' gonna give 'im a heart attack!" The older boy raced and pulled the red-head away. "What did we say about de tackling?"

"T' not to?" the red-head, Emil, blinked innocently.

"Can't say de boy ain't friendly," the old woman mumbled.

"Anyway, hi! I'm Emil! Who are y'?" Emil looked at Remy expectantly.

"...Remy."

"Well, dat's cool!" Emil scurried off and started to inspect the furniture.

"I swear, there's somethin' wrong wit' dat boy," Jean-Luc shook his head, watching Emil try to squeeze his way under the couch.

"Um, hi," the older boy turned to Remy. "I'm Henri. I'm apparently y' new brother."

"Hello," Remy nodded.

"And dis is Etienne," Henri pointed the the blond boy. "And dis is his brother, Theo." Henri pointed to the brunet.

"_Bonjour_!" Etienne smiled and Theo waved.

"OH!" Emil cried out from his spot. "Found money! YIPPEE!"

"I'm Tante Mattie," the old woman said, ignoring Emil's discovery.

"Ooh, lookie!" Emil said, crawling out from under the couch. "Cockroach! I gonna eat it!"

"NO!" Tante Mattie yelled, running towards Emil and picking him up. "Don't eat de bugs, child! They no good for y'!"

"Aw!" Emil whined.

"Oh, Remy, come wit' moi and we get y' cleaned up. Y' filthy!" Tante Mattie took Remy's wrist and dragged him up the stairs, still carrying a squirming Emil.

* * *

It didn't take long to get Remy cleaned up, and soon Tante Mattie was showing him to his room, which had previously been for guests.

"An' dis is y' room," Tante Mattie said, opening the door.

"All mine?" Remy looked up at her.

"Yes, child, all yours. Now come wit' _moi_. Y' can help _moi _wit' supper."

* * *

Supper was uneventful, except for Emil spotting another bug and chasing it all the way across the dining room on his hands and knees. Remy had also met the rest of the occupants of the mansion. Afterward, Remy headed up to the room that they had so kindly given him. He was beginning to like Henri, Emil, Etienne, and Theo. They seemed nice, though Emil kind of worried him.

The room they had given him was huge. It had a king-sized bed, a dresser, and it's very own bathroom, but it felt empty. There was a knock on the door and Henri walked in.

"Hey," Henri waved. "So, how do y' like y' new room?"

"I dunno, it feels kinda lonely," Remy admitted.

"_Oui_, I know how dat feels. Tell y' what, if y' can manage t' stay in dis room tonight, I'll talk t' Tante Mattie an' see if she'll let y' room wit' _moi_."

"Really?"

"Eh, why not? I always wanted a little brother, now I finally got one! Hey, I got an idea, how 'bout y' come an see _mon_ baseball cards? I've been collectin' 'em since I was eight!"

"Dat sounds cool," Remmy nodded eagerly. "I've only seen a baseball card once!"

"Really? Y' know," Henri said. "I got a feelin' dat dis is de beginning of a beautiful friendship."

* * *

Well, that was the first one-shot of many!

Be sure to review. You know you want to. The review button whispers your name...it says "_Come! Come and REVIEW! REVIEW_!"

Goodbye, lovely readers!

Sincerely,

Strawberry M&M


	2. School, Haircuts, and Hijinks

Hi! So sorry for the late update! Meant to do it Monday, then I was gonna do it Tuesday, and well...

Anyway, here we go! My second one-shot that is still without a title! If you can figure out titles for my chapters, that would be great, cause I have no title-making-up-inspiration right now.

**Disclaimer**: I in no way own the Thieves' Guild or Gambit or anything else here. I don't even own the cookies.

**Warnings**: None, except that this has not been Beta-Read. Like, at all. Not even my sister has read it. If you see any mistakes, please tell me!

Now for, Chapter Two!

* * *

A shrill scream echoed through the mansion.

Remy jumped up an ran to the source. He had been staying in the mansion for a few weeks now and everything had been peaceful. Remy burst through the door where the scream had come from.

There was Emil, on his knees, weeping, with Tante Mattie standing above him, rolling her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Remy asked.

Emil turned to him. "It's horrible!"

"It ain't horrible, y' silly child!" Tante Mattie growled. "It's good fo' y'!"

"What's goin' on?" Remy blinked.

"It's time fo'..._school_..." Emil said it as if it was the worst thing on earth.

"School?" Remy blinked.

"_Oui_," Tante Mattie nodded.

"What's so bad about dat?" Remy asked.

"Have y' ever had school?" Emil asked him.

"_Non_."

"Then y' don' know what it feels like! It's torture!"

"Stop whinin'!" Tante Mattie whopped Emil upside the head. "It's not dat bad!" Apparently, Emil did not agree with her.

"DOWN WITH SCHOOL!" Emil screeched and ran out the door, his arms in the air.

"Where did I go wrong?" Tante looked up at the ceiling as if it could answer her.

* * *

Mercy waited on the mansion's doorstep while Father knocked on the door. Soon, the door was opened by a boy who was probably around her age.

"Um, hello?" the boy blinked at them. "May I help y'?"

"Is Jean-Luc here?" Father asked.

"Uh, _oui_," the boy nodded. "I'll go get 'im." He ran off only to come back a few minutes later with a tall man who had a brown pony tail and mustache. Mercy assumed the man was Jean-Luc.

"Ah, right on time," Jean-Luc said.

"Just here to drop 'er off," Father nodded.

"What's goin' on?" the boy asked Jean-Luc.

"Ah, Henri. I thought I told y'," Jean-Luc said. "Little Mercy here is goin' t' be stayin' wit' us fo' a while. Her daddy wanted de best education fo' 'er an' once he heard what a good teacher Tante Mattie is, he couldn't resist."

The boy nodded.

"Mind if we come in?" Father asked.

"Where are _mon_ manners? Get in here!" Jean-Luc beckoned them in and led them to what Mercy assumed was the living room. "Wait here, I'll go get Tante." And with that, Jean-Luc left Mercy and Father alone with the boy, whom he had called Henri.

"So, y' name's Henri?" Mercy asked.

"_Oui_, and y' Mercy?" Henri nodded.

"_Oui_. Do y' live here?"

"_Oui_. You? Oh, um, I suppose you don't..." Henri ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm actin' like an idiot.."

"_Non_, it's fine," Merci smiled. Father went and picked up a book from a bookshelf and started reading.

Jean-Luc came back with an elderly woman. The old woman had blue eyes along with chocolate brown skin.

"Dis is de blondie?" the old woman gave Mercy a look.

"_Oui_," Jean-Luc nodded. "Mercy, dis is Tante Mattie. She be y' new teacher."

"Nice t' meet y', Tante Mattie," Mercy said.

"Well, look at dat. Blondie has manners! _Bon_. Dat makes _mon _job easier," Tante Mattie smiled. "I'll show y' t' y' room." With that, Tante took Mercy's wrist and led her out the door.

* * *

After Merci had gone to her new room, her father had left without a word. Henri had gone to his room for a while before Tante asked him to go find Emil, who was hiding somewhere from Tante. He didn't understand why Emil was so terrified. It was school.

Henri finally found Emil hiding under the couch, again. Henri would never find out what was so appealing to Emil about hiding under things that should've been too tight to fit under. Seriously, there was only one inch from the carpet to the couch. Not much room to squeeze under. It wasn't humanly possible, but Emil managed it. Sometimes Henri thought that the redhead was one of the cockroaches he liked to chase so much.

"Hey Emil," Henri got down on his hands and knees and peered under the couch.

"Henri!" there was a muffled squeak from under the couch.

"What are y' doin'?" Henri asked.

"Hidin'."

"From what?"

"Tante."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because she wants t' give _moi_ a new school haircut."

"Ah."

"An' because she wants me to do school."

"Why don't y' like school?"

"Cause it's borings."

"Borings, eh?"

"_Oui_."

"Tante would be very ashamed o' y' grammar."

"Exactly."

"There y' are!" Tante exclaimed, coming into the room, waving a knife in her hand. "Emil, get out o' de' couch right now!"

Emil squeaked but obediently crawled out from under the couch.

"What's de knife fo'?" Henri asked nervously.

"Couldn't find de scissors, an' Emil needs his haircut," Tante replied. "Don't worry, I won't hurt 'im. Probably."

"...Alright, den I'm jus' gonna leave an' get out o' de same room of dat knife..." Henri nodded before promptly running out of the living room.

* * *

Mercy sneaked into the kitchen. She had seen Tante Mattie set a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table earlier and couldn't resist.

She was about to snatch a cookie off of the plate when she heard a voice behind her.

"Um, are y' sure y' wanna do dat?" Henri asked. "I mean, I ain't gonna stop y', but Tante has a way of findin' out what happens in 'er kitchen. I think she's got video cameras."

Mercy pulled her hand back from the cookies. "How did y' sneak up behind _moi_?"

"I didn', y' were so concentrated y' didn' notice."

"Hmph."

"Jus' sayin'. What y' wanna do is create an alibi befo' y' commit de crime."

"Alright, I'll say I was in _mon_ room, unpackin'. I'll blame it on de crazy redhead if she asks."

"Nah, Emil's gettin' his hair cut. Tante would know. Best blame Theo. He's been known to swipe desserts."

"_Merci_," Mercy grabbed a cookie with a nod. "I owe y' one."

"Nah, I was actually gonna do de same thing...Tante's cookies are t' die for, literally if y' caught." Henri grabbed a cookie for himself.

"Well, maybe y' not de gentleman I thought y' were."

"Oh, come on! What does stealin' cookies have t' do wit' bein' a gentleman?"

"Y' would be surprised."

"Hmph."

* * *

Remy walked down the hall. He had just learned about the new girl's arrival. Apparently, she came from one of the Thieves' Guild's many mansions that were scattered all over Louisiana.

Remy sat down on a couch in the living room and looked around. He got up and decided to look for Theo, who hadn't seen for a while. He found Theo in his room, sitting on his bed.

"Hi Theo!" Remy waved. "What are y' doin'?"

"Plottin'." Theo answered. "April Fool's Day is comin' up. I hafta be prepared!"

"But, I thought we already had April Fool's Day dis year," Remy blinked. "The next one ain't for a long time."

"_Oui_, but I hafta be prepared! It's _mon_ dream t' create de perfect prank, one dat gets even Tante Mattie! But she keeps findin' mon pranks before she even gets within three feet of 'em..."

"Dat's too bad."

"Y' tellin' _moi_."

"Y' heard about school?"

"_Oui_. Not so happy about it either..."

Etienne came in.

"Oh, _bonjour_, Remy!" Etienne smiled. "Jus' came t' say hi t' _mon _brother!"

"Okay!" Remy nodded.

Suddenly, the door was slammed open and an angry knife-wielding Tante Mattie stood in the doorway.

"Where'd he go?" she asked them in a dangerous tone.

"Who?" Theo blinked.

"Emil! Little brat somehow got away fro' _moi_ when I was givin' 'im his haircut before I was done!" Tante scowled. "Now, where is he?"

"I dunno!" Etienne whimpered, staring at the knife.

"Well? Come an' help _moi _find 'im! I need y' three!"

Theo, Etienne, and Remy, fearing for their lives, of course ran out the door.

"EMIL!" Theo called! "Here Emil! Here Emy!"

"Emy?" Remy turned to Theo. "Isn't dat a girl's name?"

"_Oui_, but it works," Theo nodded. "He'll come to the name Emy. Strange, but dis is Emil we talkin' about."

"Okay den. EMY!" Remy yelled. "HERE Emy! Here Emy Emy Emy! HERE EMY!"

"Make sure y' look under de furniture!" Etienne nodded.

"De couch seems t' be his favorite spot!" Theo nodded. "An' if he's not dere, check all de beds!"

* * *

They found Emil eventually. He had somehow crawled into the washing machine. Thankfully, the washing machine wasn't on at the time.

"What are y' doin' in there?!" Remy asked.

"Hidin'!" Emil replied.

"Well, hidin' time is over, cause y' are gettin' a haircut if it's de last thing I do!" Tante Mattie exclaimed, pulling Emil out of the washing machine.

"NOO!" Emil yelled as he was dragged away. "TRAITORS!"

* * *

Henri sat down on the couch in the living room, though he checked under it to make sure he wouldn't be squishing any crazy redheads.

Mercy had gone up to her room to unpack, leaving him alone. He went over to the bookcase and grabbed a book, _Tom Sawyer_. He had only started to read it when Tante came in.

Tante Mattie loomed over him.

"Can I help y'?" Henri asked.

"Next time y' and Blondie want cookies y' come an' ask. Chances are if y' say please I'll happily share a few wit' y'." Tante Mattie scowled at him and thumped him on the head before walking out.

"...I swear she has video cameras..." Henri sulked.

* * *

Well, what did ya think? Go! Review! Tell me! You know you want to!

Remy: Come on, mon amis, review an' make de whole Cajun gang happy!

Me: See? Even Gambit wants you to review! You're not going to defy his wishes, are you?


	3. Crayons, an Alligators, an Tante OH MY!

Oh! Hello! This is Strawberry M&M!

So sorry for the REALLY late update! You see, my internet crashed on Monday and it took a while to fix. Don't worry, though! It's fine now!

I would like to thank poestheblackcat for inspiring the title names for chapters one and two! Thanks, Poesie!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Thieves' Guild, Gambit, or anything else here. That goes to Marvel. Sad, isn't it?

**Warnings:** ...None so far.

* * *

Henri walked down the hallway. Emil had gone missing. Again. He had already checked all the couches, beds, tables, chairs, the washing machine and all of Emil's other favorite spots, however there was no Emil to be found.

"Oh Emil!" he called. "Come out, come out wherever y' are! I swear if we weren't related...Oh Emil!"

They were about to start school when Emil disappeared, most likely to get away from what he thought was torture. Once Tante Mattie had noticed Emil was missing, she had sent Henri to go get him. Henri and Mercy, both being in seventh grade, did their school work in the kitchen while Remy, Etienne, Emil and Theo did theirs in the living room.

"Hey," Mercy's voice came from behind him. "Tante told _moi_ t' come an' help."

"Dat good," Henri nodded. "Two heads are better dan one."

"Have y' checked outside?" Mercy asked.

"_Non_, but now dat y' say somethin', I'll go do dat," Henri smiled.

"I'll come wit' y'," Mercy nodded.

"_Merci _fo' helpin'," Henri said.

"Oh, _non_ problem."

* * *

Tante Mattie paced back and forth.

"Where can dat brat be?" she asked the three boys in front of her.

"I dunno!" Etienne squeaked.

"Ugh, y' useless!" Tante sighed.

"What do we do now?" Theo asked. "You're not jus' gonna make us sit here, are y'?"

"Non, can't do dat...Nothin' would get done dat way..." Tante huffed. "Here." she grabbed a few pieces of paper, some pencils, and a couple boxes of crayons. "While we waitin' y' can draw _moi_ somethin' pretty."

"But-" Theo started.

"No buts!" Tante Mattie told him sternly.

Theo pouted and Remy sulked, but Etienne happily grabbed a piece of paper and some crayons and started scribbling.

"Why can't dey all be like Etienne?" Tante Mattie asked the ceiling.

"The roof ain't gonna answer y' back, Tante," Remy pointed out. Tante whopped him upside the head.

* * *

Mercy walked out the back door after Henri.

"Where does he usually go when he's outside?" she asked.

"Everywhere," Henri answered.

"Everywhere?" she gave him a look.

"Well, everywhere Tante will let him."

"Which I suppose is everywhere except near de swamp?"

"_Oui_, and de basement. She don't let no one near de basement."

"Why not?"

"Probably because it infested with spiders, mice, rats, bugs, snakes...Y' name it, de basement's got it."

"Ew..." Mercy wrinkled her nose. "Glad we not goin' anywhere near there..."

"Me an' y' both," Henri nodded. "EMIL!" he called. "Come on out!"

"Here Emil!" Mercy yelled. "We ain't gonna hurt y'!"

"EMY!"

Mercy blinked. "Emy? Dat's a girl's name."

"_Oui,_ but it works," Henri told her.

"Strange boy...EMY!" Mercy looked around. There were a lot of trees and bushes, but no Emil. They walked around for ten more minutes before a dreadful thought invaded Henri's mind.

"Am I de only one who thinks Emil broke de rules an' went t' one of de places Tante told him not t'?" Henri whimpered.

"_Non_, well, we better check de swamp," Mercy scowled. "Come on, let's go!"

"Shouldn' we tell someone?" Henri asked her.

"Why? We twelve, we can take care of ourselves!" And with that, Mercy grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the direction of the swamp.

"I don' think dis is a good idea..." Henri moaned.

* * *

"So, what are y' drawin'?" Tante Mattie asked.

"I'm drawin' a T-Rex!" Theo said. "One dat can bite y' head clean off!"

Of course, at the mental image Theo had put into his brother's brain, Etienne started to cry.

"Theo!" Tante scolded. "Look what y' did!" Tante went to stop Etienne's crying. "So, Etienne, what are y' drawin'?" she asked him.

"De backyard, wit' all de trees and de bushes an' de birds...an' de flowers.." Etienne sniffled. In his hand was the drawing, and surprisingly enough, Tante could actually make out what it was.

"_C'est bien_," she ruffled his blond hair. "I'm actually impressed."

"De backyard wit' all de flowers?" Theo wrinkled his nose. "Dat sissy!"

"Is not!" Etienne protested.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is too!"

"Is not! ...Wait, what?" Theo blinked. Etienne smiled.

"Good job, Etienne," Tante raised an eyebrow. "Dat was sneaky."

"He bugs-bunnied _moi_!" Theo whined. "A five-year-old bugs-bunnied _moi_!"

Remy snickered.

"What did y' draw?" Tante asked him.

"I drew a cat drinkin' some milk," Remy said proudly. He held up a blank page.

"And where de cat an' de milk?" Tante scowled.

"Well, de cat drank all de milk, and after de milk was gone de cat went away," Remy smirked smugly. It didn't take an idiot to tell that Remy was being a smart aleck.

Tante grabbed her cane and pointed it at Remy. "Remy LeBeau, y' smart talk _moi_ again like dat an' I knock y' so hard yo' ancestors hurt!"

"_Oui_, ma'am!" Remy squeaked.

"Good boy," Tante nodded. "Now, dis time, y' actually draw somethin', _n'est-ce pas_?"

Remy nodded.

* * *

"Still say dis is a bad idea," Henri said, looking around the banks of the swamp.

"Nonsense, stop actin' like a chicken," Mercy rolled her eyes.

"I'm not," Henri mumbled under his breath. "I'm actin' like de only responsible person here..."

"What did y' say?" Mercy looked at him.

"Nothin'!"

"Where could he be? EMIL!" Mercy called.

"Come on, Emil!" Henri joined in. "It ain't funny no more!"

"EMIL!"

"EMY! Here Emil!"

A low growl came from somewhere behind them, causing the two pre-teens to freeze.

"...What was dat?" Mercy's eyes widened. They slowly turned around. There, in front of them, was one of the biggest alligators they had ever seen.

"Oh dear..." Henri whimpered.

* * *

Tante grabbed her cane.

"Dat's it!" she exclaimed. "I ain't gonna wait no more! I gonna go look for dem, stay here!"

"Y' gonna leave us alone?" Etienne blinked.

"_Oui_, an' if y' destroy de room, y' in trouble. Now, stay here an' keep drawin'." And with that, Tante had marched out the door.

"Tante's mean!" Theo said.

"She de teacher, it's her job t' be mean," Remy said. "Now what we gonna do?"

"Keep drawin', like she said!" Etienne answered as he grabbed another piece of paper.

* * *

Mercy turned to Henri.

"Now what d' we do?" she asked him. "I told y' dat comin' here was a bad idea!"

"Um, 'gators ain't so good at runnin', I think if we jus' back away slowly an' stay away from de water we should be fine," Henri answered.

However, when they turned around, two more alligators were in their way.

"There's three of 'em?" Mercy exclaimed. "Now what?!"

* * *

Theo looked around the room. His brother was still scribbling, while Remy was trying to fall asleep on the small table Tante had put in the living room for them to do their schoolwork on.

He didn't understand why they even had to start school, seeing how Remy and Etienne were both only five. Tante had said something about how starting their education early was a good thing and that it would save their life someday.

He got up out of his chair and went to the desk that Tante was using to store text books and other such things for school.

"What are y' doin'?" Etienne asked.

"I'm gonna surprise Tante," Theo answered, pulling a lizard, which was amazingly enough still alive, out of his pocket.

"Where did y' get dat?" Remy asked.

"Found it outside dis mornin'," Theo answered, slipping the lizard into one of the desk drawers.

"Y' gonna get in trouble," Etienne said.

"No, I ain't."

"I'm gonna tell," Etienne nodded.

"Y' better not!" Theo glared at him.

Etienne squeaked and went back to scribbling.

* * *

Tante looked around the yard. No sign of Emil, nor Henri and Mercy. They didn't seem to be anywhere.

"EMIL!" she yelled. "HENRI! Blondie!"

Nothing.

"Ugh, where can those children be?" she asked herself. She sighed. She already knew where Emil was. She headed down to the basement.

She found that the basement door was already open. There, sitting contentedly in the middle of the room, was Emil.

"Oh! Tante! I found a cockroach an' it came in here, so I followed it!" Emil chirped. "But den it got away..."

"Where's Henri and Mercy?" She asked. "Wait, don' answer dat, I already know..."

"How? Through y' mindreadin' powers?" Emil looked at her expectantly.

"_Non_, through logic. There's only place they could be if they not here wit' y'," Tante said.

* * *

Mercy looked down. She and Henri had climbed a tree as fast as possible, and the three alligators were waiting at the trunk for them to come down. She gulped. Becoming Mercy gumbo was not on her agenda for today. "What are we gonna do now?" she asked.

"I dunno," Henri shrugged. "They gotta come lookin' for us at some point, and those 'gators can't hang around like dat forever...can they?"

"I wouldn' be surprised," Mercy said. "How long are we gonna be up here?!"

"...I dunno..." Henri admitted.

"_Vous êtes un idiot!_" Mercy cried, punching Henri's shoulder. Unfortunately, that made Henri lose balance and fall off of the tree. Fortunately, Mercy was able to reach out and grab his hand before Henri was made lunch. "HENRI!"

"MERCY!" Henri exclaimed, looking down. The alligators tried to jump and bite him, but thankfully, they had climbed to one of the taller branches and the alligators weren't able to bite him.

"Henri, hang on!"

"...Can't...hold on...much longer..." Henri whimpered as his hand started to slip.

Suddenly, there was a large bang.

Mercy whirled her head around to see Tante, holding a rifle and looking mad.

The good news was that the bullet Tante had shot had hit the largest alligator, which was now dead, and the other two went slithering away into the water. The bad news was that Henri had been so shocked at the noise that he had let go. Fortunately, there was something squishy for him to land on. Unfortunately, the squishy something was the dead alligator. Needless to say, Henri never could look at an alligator the same way again.

* * *

Remy woke up from his impromtu nap and looked around sleepily. Theo was looking bored, and Etienne was, sure enough, still scribbling.

Tante burst into the room.

"Where's Emil?" Theo asked.

"Grounded fo' gettin' int' de basement," Tante replied.

"What about Henri and Mercy?"

"Grounded fo' goin' t' de swamp."

"Oh."

"Oh, an' by de way, Theo," Tante went and grabbed a book off of the shelf. "_Merci_ fo' de lizard in de drawer. I once had one as a pet when I was _une petite fille_. His name was Jacques."

"Wha...?" Theo blinked. "How'd y' know?!"

* * *

Translations:

_N'est-ce pas_?: Right?

_Vous êtes un idiot: _You're an idiot.

_Une petite fille:_ A little girl_._

* * *

So...what'd ya think? And you know, the only way to tell me that is to review and shower me with happiness and joy!

Go on, don't be shy...click the review button!

Anonymous reviews are welcome!

And remember...constructive criticism is WONDERFUL! But don't flame, or I will have to feed you to the alligators.


	4. Turkeys Were Born to be Stuffed

Hi! I'm back! So sorry for the wait! I had a bad case of writer's block...THE HORROR! ANYWAYS, I'm mostly back now! And, I even wrote an extremely late Thanksgiving fic! Aren't y'all happy? Of course you are.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything except the random dude who doesn't even have a name and Jacques, whoever he is. I just made him up on the spot. Poor Jacques has no purpose in life except to exist. I don't even own the cookies! So sad.

**Warnings:** ...Why do I need to warn you again?

May I present...CHAPTER FOUR!

* * *

It had come to that time of year when Tante was running around the house wildly, murmuring about food, Henri was almost always in a good mood, and turkeys everywhere were running for their puny, delicious lives, whether they got to the other side of the road or not.

That's right, it was Thanksgiving day, and Remy still wasn't sure what the deal was. All he knew about Thanksgiving was that you got to eat a lot of food. He had asked Emil, but all Emil had said was that it was the marvelous day when stuffed turkeys fell out of the sky and right onto their awaiting plate, which Remy thought was rather silly, but hadn't questioned.

Whatever it was, Thanksgiving seemed to make everyone cheerful. Henri was constantly humming one song or another, Emil was even more hyper, and even Tante could be seen hurrying around with a big smile on her face.

Suddenly and not unexpectedly, a scream of "EMIL LAPIN!" could be heard from the kitchen. No doubt Emil had snatched one treat or another from Tante.

Remy went into his room and plopped himself on his bed that they had moved in there so Remy could be in the same room with Henri. He really did not need to listen to Tante scold Emil for the umpteenth time. He sat there for a moment, just thinking. People were strange here. Even Jean-Luc. They were always talking about something called "Assassins" in a hushed tone, or going off for a few weeks before returning with some dusty, old vase or something.

Henri walked into the room.

"Hey!" he smiled. "So, dis is y' first Thanksgivin' here, ain't it?"

"_Oui_," Remy nodded. "What's de meanin' o' Thanksgivin' anyway?"

Henri paused and thought about it. "Thanksgivin' is a time t' be thankful fo' what y' have, y' family, y' friends, things like dat. It's also a time where y' get t' stuff y' face wit' a ton o' good food an' no one judges y' fo' it."

"But I don' have a family..." Remy said.

"What?" Henri blinked. "O' course y' do! Y' got Etienne, Theo, an' Emil, an' I suppose Tante despite de fact dat truthfully she ain't related t' anyone here...an' y' got me."

"But I'm adopted...I'm not actually related t' any y'all."

"Neither is Tante an' she's still counted family," Henri put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Do y' _want_ t' be part o' de family?"

"_Oui_," Remy nodded.

"_Bon_, cause I t'ink Emil would be heartbroken if we told him y' weren't willin' t' be his cousin after all. Probably start cryin' an' sobbin' all over de place. Pathetic, really," Henri joked. "Not t' mention, I was jus' gettin' used t' dis whole big brother business."

"Really?" Remy looked up at him.

"_Oui_, jus' because y' adopted don' mean y' ain't family," Henri nodded. "Now come on. Tante's makin' cookies, bet we can grab a few without her noticin'."

"She's gonna notice," Remy stated.

"_Oui_, but only after we eat 'em, _non_?"

"Okay!"

* * *

"HENRI LEBEAU! GET BACK HERE! Y' ARE NOT GETTIN' AWAY WIT' BEIN' A BAD INFLUENCE ON REMY!"

"How was I a bad influence?" Henri called back. "We only took two! I wasn' bein' a bad influence, was I, Remy?"

Remy shook his head as the two of them ran for their respective lives. "Nope!"

"Glad y' agree wit' _moi_!" Henri laughed. "But for de record, if we die today, y' were de best little brother I ever had."

"Really?" Remy perked up.

"_Oui!_ Then again, y' de only brother I ever had..."

The two boys had successfully stolen the cookies, and were now on the run from an angry cane-wielding Tante Mattie.

"HENRI LEBEAU, WHEN I GET _MON_ HANDS ON Y'!" Tante threatened.

"Y' know, Remy? I jus' had an idea..." Henri looked at his brother. "Run now, talk later. How does dat sound?"

"Okay!" Remy nodded.

* * *

Mercy sat in the kitchen and waited for Tante to come back from giving Henri and Remy the scolding of their lives. Tante had said it was about time Mercy learned to cook, but before Tante was able to start teaching

Mercy how to make the stuffing, Henri and Remy had snatched a cookie each and ran for it. Tante had, naturally, ran off after them waving her cane.

It was official: Henri was insane. A total nutcase. It was the only explanation why Henri would steal cookies from Tante. Twice. In the same year. It was either that or he was stupid. Mercy figured it was probably a combination of both. When Mercy had stolen a cookie, it was because she was naive and didn't know how tough Tante was. Henri continued to invoke Tante's wrath over and over again, which obviously was proof that he had more than a few screws loose.

Tante came back into the room.

"Let's get back t' dat stuffin'," she said.

Mercy nodded. After a few minutes, Mercy spoke up. "Henri's crazy."

"Mos' probably," Tante nodded.

"I mean, he's crazy," Mercy said again. "Jus' yesterday he went out o' his way jus' t' open de door fo' _moi_. I wasn' even carryin' nothin' in _mon_ hands. I was fully capable o' openin' it myself an' he still went an' done it fo' _moi_ anyway. Who does dat these days?"

Tante chuckled, but didn't say anything.

"An'," Mercy continued. "Every time he sees moi, he smiles all friendly like, like I was de best thing since sliced bread! I mean, I like cheerful people but would it hurt 'im t' frown every once an' a while?! I mean, he's a _bon ami_, an' all, but sometimes he makes _moi_ wanna slap 'im!"

"Please don'," Tante spoke up. "Dat boy has enough brain damage as it is."

"Exactly! An' what's so important about cookies t' 'im?!"

"What? Y' don' think mon cookies are de best?"

"Oh, they are, I jus' wouldn' risk mon life like dat fo' 'em..."

"Smart _fille_. Maybe someday I teach y' how t' make 'em."

* * *

Emil was hiding under the couch. He was starting to learn how to identify people by their shoes when they walked in. Unless they were barefoot, then identifying them was a problem. Henri and possibly Remy ran into the room and plopped down on the couch, making it even tighter where Emil was hiding.

"Wait," Henri's voice said. "I think Emil's under de couch again." Henri got up from the couch and kneeled next to it. Soon, his face popped into Emil's view. "_Bonjour_, Emil."

"HI!" Emil said cheerfully. He would've waved, but there wasn't room. Emil crawled out from under the couch. Emil stood up, and then promptly gave Henri a hug.

Henri patted Emil on the back.

Emil sniffed the air. "I smell...cookies."

"...Y' too late," Henri said. "We already ate 'em."

"Aww..."

* * *

Mercy slowly went down the stairs, careful not to drop the two pumpkin pies that Tante had handed her to take down to the dining room. The pies were on a baking rack, but it was still hard to keep them from falling off.

"Oh, hello Mercy!" a familiar and way too cheerful voice came from behind her.

"Oh, hi, Henri," She smiled.

"D' y' need any help carryin' those?" Henri asked her.

Yep. Definitely insane. Only a lunatic would willingly volunteer to carry the two precariously balanced desserts.

"Sure," Mercy handed the baking rack with the pies to him, which he took happily. She felt bad about taking advantage of his mental problem, but the pies were heavy and hard to carry.

At first Mercy thought Henri was going to drop them, but somehow he managed to get them to the dining room safely, all the while smiling and with his blue eyes sparkling.

"_Merci,_" Mercy thanked him. The brunet might've been insane, but that was no excuse to be rude.

"Yo' welcome!" Henri said cheerfully.

* * *

Eight-year-old Theo sat down on the couch, though he was careful to check for Emil before doing so. Thankfully, Emil was in another one of his hiding spots. Theo had thought about pulling a prank and doing something to the turkey, but he had cast that idea aside. He loved the "Day of Stuffing," as he called it, a bit too much. Truthfully, it was a day of stuffing. You stuff the turkey, then you stuff your plates with as much food as you can get on it, and then you stuff your face. Henceforth, it was the "Day of Stuffing."

He stood up and walked out to go check on how soon dinner would be ready. He was hungry. When he got to the kitchen, he found Mercy and Tante Mattie both sitting down, snapping green beans.

"When's supper gonna be ready?" he asked.

"In abou' an hour," Tante Mattie answered.

Theo nodded and walked out. He decided to go and steal back the lizard he had put in Tante's drawer as a failed prank a few months ago. For one reason or another, Tante had made it the class pet. Theo would steal it, and then give it back a few days later. Perfect plot. Or it was, until...

"An' hey!" Tante Mattie shouted after him. "Stay away from _mon_ lizard!"

"...Drat."

* * *

Soon, it was time for dinner, and everyone was summoned to the dining room. Remy still didn't know everyone, but he recognized people such as Emil's father, Jean-Luc, and a man who had been introduced to him as Jacques, along with Henri, Tante, Etienne, Emil, Theo and Mercy.

Jean-Luc stood up from his seat at the end of the table as Remy and Henri walked in.

"Ah, if it isn't my two beloved _sons_," he said. For some reason, at this, Henri looked at Jean-Luc strangely. "Last Thanksgivin', I only had _un _son_,_ now I also have Remy. I suppose dis year I really have a reason t' be thankful."

"Hear hear," a tall, black man said as he sat down in one of the seats.

"Well?" Jean-Luc looked around. "Sit down, an' enjoy de feast! Really, Tante Mattie deserves more _credit_."

Everyone sat down, Emil with his parents, and Etienne and Theo by Emil. Henri was about to sit down by Mercy when Jean-Luc interrupted him.

"Wait, boy. How 'bout y' an' Remy sit down next t' _moi_?" Jean-Luc said. Remy knew by the tone of voice, that was an order, not a suggestion. Henri stiffened, but sat down in one of the two seats next to his father. Remy shrugged and took the other one. It wasn't long before Tante came in and served the food, before sitting down herself.

They ate mostly in silence, besides the few comments about the food or the weather.

"Okay, dat's it!" Tante exclaimed. "Thanksgivin' is supposed t' be a time o' talkin', no' silence! Now, we gonna go aroun' de table, an everyone tells us what they thankful fo'. Got it?"

"Dat...soun's like a great idea," Jean-Luc sighed. "Well, who first?"

One by one, everyone started listing off what they were thankful for. Emil was thankful that the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys hadn't stolen the turkey, Etienne was thankful to get a new friend, Theo was glad Tante hadn't whopped the life out of him yet, and such and such. However, the black man had a rather unusual input that confused Remy.

"I'm thankful dat de Assassins finally got enough sense t' leave us alone fo' a while! I thought they'd never learn no' t' mess wit' de Thieves' Guild, but turns out someone in there gotta brain afte' all. If jus' a tiny one," the black man said. At the last comment, most of the people around the large table laughed, excluding Jean-Luc, Henri, Tante, Remy, and the rest of the children.

"Who de Assassins?" Remy asked.

Henri's eyes widened. "I tell y' later, alright?" he said quickly.

"_Non,_" Jean-Luc said. "De boy should learn now."

"Father," Henri looked at Jean-Luc. "I really don' t'ink now's de bes' time, maybe later, but no' today, please? It jus' dat today's-"

"QUIET, _boy_!" Jean-Luc snapped. Henri flinched and shrank back into his seat. Everyone turned and looked at the end of the table, startled at Jean-Luc's sudden outburst.

"_Oui_, Father," Henri murmured.

"Good boy," Jean-Luc nodded before looking at Remy. "De _Assassins_ are a group o'..._jerks_ who have been attackin' us fo' no reason fo' centuries. They kill people. D' y' know what dat is, Remy?" Remy nodded. "Good. De Assassins are nasty. If y' ever meet one, go find one o' us, an we'll..._take care_ o' de Assassin fo' y', get it?" Remy nodded once again. Jean-Luc looked pleased. "It abou' time y' learned abou' de Assassins. Wouldn' wan' y' t' get hurt, now _would we_?"

"_Non_," Remy shook his head earnestly. These Assassins sounded dangerous.

* * *

After supper, everyone went their separate ways, and Henri and Remy headed back to their room.

Henri sighed. He had hoped Remy wouldn't learn of the Assassins' Guild until he was older, but that hadn't happened. What worried Henri was Jean-Luc's strange behavior. He had never wanted Henri to sit next to him, and had never once admitted that Henri was his son. Jean-Luc was purposefully trying to make Remy trust him, and it wasn't just because Jean-Luc wanted to have a father-son relationship. Henri shook his head, determined not to think about it.

"So..." Remy piped up. "Why doesn' he call y' by y' name?"

"Who?" Henri asked.

"Jean-Luc," Remy said. "Why does he always call y' 'boy' instead o' y' name?"

"I dunno."

"Maybe he forgot," Remy suggested. "Y' should speak in three people!"

"What?" Henri looked at him.

"Three people!" Remy repeated. "Tante was talkin' abou' it! It's when y' address y'self as if y' were anot'er person! Like, we supposed t' talk abou' ourselves in one people!"

"Oh, y' mean third person," Henri nodded.

"_Oui_, dat!" Remy nodded. "Then y' would be repeatin' y' name a lot an' then maybe Jean-Luc would remember!"

"I guess I could," Henri chuckled.

"I wanna start speakin' in three people t', so dat Jean-Luc don' forget _mon_ name!" Remy said cheerfully.

"Y' do dat," Henri shook his head. "I'm sure Tante will be so happy dat y' have decided t' take on a life o' bad grammar."

"Yep! Dat's what I was t'inkin'!" Remy nodded. "She always wants us t' fin' ways t' solve our problems!"

"Fo' some reason I don' t'ink dis is what she meant..."

* * *

So...? What did you think? Come on, be honest! Ya know you loved it! And...you should tell me how much you loved it by reviewing. Like, NOW. Mmhm.

Remember, Anonymous Reviews are AWESOME, Constructive Criticism is great, and if you flame...Tante's lizard will come and EAT YOU. (And yes, Poesie, the lizard is going to keep showing up.)

Thanks for reading!

Merry early Christmas!


	5. The Most Chaotic Time of the Year

Wow...Could this be true?! Strawberry M&M, updating!? Could it be so?! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, geeks and nerds! I'm back, baby!

And guess what? Just because I know that ya'll are in need of some Christmas cheer...It's a very very very very VERY VERY late Christmas fic! .

...I started writing this before Christmas, I really did, but then I started taking this writing class, which teaching me all these cool things about writing a book! But here's the thing, my awesome writing class has a ton of homework. Almost every week, they have me write a short scene for the book I'm writing. So, yeah. I've been busy writing my writing class homework. So sorry.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own X-men Evolution, nor do I own the Thieves' Guild. I do not own Alka-Seltzer Plus, either.

**Warnings**: Extreme sillyness, and evil Santa.

Now for...**Chapter Five**: Christmas is the Most Chaotic Time of the Year

* * *

Once again, it had come a time where people wasted money buying expensive gifts wrapped in paper and bows and old men in ridiculous red suits were abundant. Not to mention, a certain redheaded child named Emil who was running around screaming about evil reindeer, a conspiracy against chimneys, and a dastardly plot to destroy trees everywhere.

That's right, Christmas was here, and it was chaotic.

* * *

Emil crawled through the hallway, like a ninja. Soon, the evil reindeer, along with their bearded, icy, overweight king, would attack the innocent, defenseless chimneys and steal all the cookies, and only Emil could stop them. There was also the fact that he had to save the poor elves from toy-making slavery.

Only one obstacle was in his way: Tante Mattie. She refused to give him the cabbage needed to defeat them, for everyone knew that, dare Emil say his name, _Santa Claus_ and his minions were all allergic to cabbage.

He had thought about stealing the cabbage, but had decided that he would rather risk reindeer, which only came once a year, than Tante, who was with him every day of his life. Now, had it been evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys...then Emil might've risked Tante's wrath.

But no. Emil would have to find another way to gain the cabbage. He had counted the few pennies he owned, but unfortunately they were not enough to buy cabbage for himself and Emil had no way of getting to town due to the fact that Tante was not going to let him drive until he was ninety-years-old, which Emil thought was rather unfair.

Unless of course, he could trick…ehem, convince his cousins into joining him. Then, Emil could say that THEY stole the cabbage, and not him. Not to mention, every general needed minions…er, soldiers, that is.

* * *

Henri wrapped the gift in front of him in green and red wrapping paper.

It was a present for Remy, who, thankfully, already knew the meaning of Christmas so there was no need explaining it to him.

Henri tied a ribbon around the package for the finishing touch, before going down to the living room with it to put it under the tree.

Remy came up behind him.

"Henri!" Remy exclaimed happily, wrapping his arms around Henri's waist.

Henri laughed and patted Remy on the back. "Remy!"

"What's dat?" Remy asked, noticing the gift in Henri's hands.

"Christmas gift," Henri answered.

"Who fo'?" Remy tried to grab the package, but Henri held it above his head where he couldn't reach.

"Y', but y' can' open it until Christmas."

"Yes, Remy can!" Remy said. "All Remy gotta do is rip de paper!"

Henri chuckled. Remy had fulfilled his oath to start speaking in third person, or "three people," as Remy called it.

"Very funny," Henri shook his head. "What I mean' was dat y' shouldn' open it befo' Christmas."

"Why not?"

"Cause t'en it wouldn' be a Christmas present, would it?"

"Well, t'en y'd hafta buy Remy anot'er present fo' Christmas, an' Remy'd get two!" Remy said happily.

"Ah, _non_," Henri ruffled Remy's hair.

"Come on!" Remy pouted.

"Y' know what Tante says 'bout stickin' y' bottom lip out," Henri chided.

"Dat if it goes out any furt'er she gon' step on it?"

"Exactly."

* * *

Mercy sneezed. Of course, she'd be the one to catch a cold three days before Christmas. And of course, Tante would make it so Mercy wasn't allowed to have sugar, which so wasn't fair.

The only good thing that had come out of it was that Henri had promised that he wouldn't have any sugar either, just so she wouldn't be the only one who wasn't eating Tante Mattie's desserts. Henri was either a nutcase, or very brave, or very, very stupid. Mercy figured it was the first option.

She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. Life stinks.

* * *

Theo sneaked into Tante's bedroom. The lizard had to be somewhere around here...

Theo was surprised at his own bravery. No one had ever, EVER attempted to sneak into Tante's room before.

Her room was less creepy than he thought it would be. The bed had a light yellow bedspread on it, giving the room an almost cheerful look.

There was a photo on the dresser of a bald man in a wheel chair. A sticky note was posted to the frame that had an address on it for some Institute.

Theo finally spotted what he was looking for. In the corner, the lizard was in a cage on a table.

"Aha!" Theo exclaimed victoriously. "T'ere y' are! Y' ready t' go back t' de swamp?"

"_Non_, 'e ain't!" Tante screeched from behind him. "Y' LEAVE _MON _LIZARD ALONE!"

Theo jumped. "ACK!" he squealed. "Tante! Y' weren' supposed t' be here!"

"I weren' supposed t' be here?!" Tante shrieked. "Mo' like Y' weren' supposed t' be here, comin' an tryin' t' kill _mon_ lizard!"

"I wasn' gon' kill it..." Theo started.

"Oh, y' might no' have been tryin', but y' would've accidentally," Tante scowled.

"'M sorry?" Theo tried.

"Two words: Get. OUT."

* * *

Etienne skipped down the hall only to run into Emil.

"Hey Emil!" Etienne waved cheerfully. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Lookin' fo' evil reindeer!" Emil answered.

"I t'ought de reindeer were good," Etienne blinked.

"_Non_!" Emil exclaimed, before whispering, "Dat's what t'ey wan' y' t' t'ink! _Mais_, really, t'ey evil!"

"Really?!" Etienne gasped.

"Mmhm!" Emil nodded. "An' we mus' take action, befo' de Sinister Santa an' his minions TAKE OVE' DE WORL'!"

"T'ey wouln'!"

"T'ey would!" Emil said. "It up t' us t' stop t'em!"

"What can I d' t' help?" Etienne asked.

"Well," Emil started. "Y' see...t'ey have an elaborate plot, t'erefore, our plan mus' be elaborate! Come wit' _moi_! I'll tell y' all about _mon_ strategy!"

* * *

Mercy sneaked out of her room. Tante had ordered her to stay in bed until she was feeling better, but she was going to lose her mind if she didn't get out soon.

She looked around the hall, but didn't see Tante, so she slowly made her way to the living room. If Tante caught her, she'd be in big trouble.

When she got to the living room, she found Henri sitting on the couch, reading a book. As soon as he saw her, he smiled and stood up.

"Mercy!" he grinned. "Y' feelin' bette'?"

"_Non_," she shook her head. "_Mais,_ if I stay in dat room anot'er minute 'M gon' go crazy!"

"I know how y' feel," Henri nodded. "It don' matte' how sick y' are, Tante will always banish y' t' yo' room."

"Always?" Mercy moaned.

"Always."

"Ugh!"

"Dat's how I feel 'bout it," Henri chuckled.

"It ain't funny!" Mercy glared.

"_Je suis desole_," Henri held his hands up in defense.

"So, Crazy Boy, anyt'in' else I should know 'bout Tante?" Mercy asked.

"Crazy boy?" Henri looked at her, confused.

"_Oui_, y' crazy, it fits," Mercy shrugged.

Henri shook his head. "Okay t'en. An'...I can't t'ink o' anyt'in' else y' should know 'bout Tante, but if I t'ink o' somet'in', I be sure t' tell y'."

Mercy sneezed.

"Bless you," Henri said.

"_Merci_..." Mercy nodded. "So, where be Tante at, anyway? I wanna know so I can avoid 'er."

"I believe she's in 'er room, _mais_ I could be wrong," Henri shrugs.

"T'anks, Crazy Boy," Mercy nodded, offering a smile before leaving the room.

* * *

Etienne, Remy and Theo sat on Emil's bed while Emil began to inform them of "The Plan."

Emil had somehow dragged the giant blackboard Tante Mattie used for school into his room, and had drawn some kind of complex battle diagram on it with chalk.

Emil himself was wearing some sort of homemade military uniform, complete with tiny black boots, camo pants, an oversized dark green jacket and a green cap. He was chewing a candy cane like it was a toothpick.

"Soldiers," Emil began, taking the candy cane out of his mouth so he could talk. "I assume y' know why y' here?"

Etienne nodded, but Remy and Theo shook their heads.

"I jus' came 'cause y' said t'ere would be cookies," Theo shrugged.

Emil paled for a moment, shuffling his feet, but recovered quickly. "…An' t'ere will be cookies! Jus' not now."

"Aw..." Remy and Theo whined in unison.

"But t'ere will be cookies in de future! Many, many cookies!" Emil promised them. "But first...we mus' defeat the evil dat plagues de worl'!"

Theo blinked. "_Quoi?!_"

Emil's blue eyes widened. "Y' mean...Y' don' know?!"

"_Non_..." Theo stared at him.

"Fine. Soldiers," Emil started in a serious tone. "Dis is de day where we change lives. Where we save chimneys. Where we defeat evil once an' for all! Soldiers, dis is de day we kill Santa!"

"Kill Santa?!" Remy repeated. "_Mais_, why!?"

"Cause he evil, duh!" Emil answered.

Remy brushed a strand of auburn hair out of his face. "Why is Santa evil?"

Emil gasped. "Soldier, y' have got t' be de mos' uninformed, silly soldier I have ever met! D' y' no' know o' Santa's crimes?!"

Remy shook his head. "No..."

"Santa has done a lot o' bad t'ings in his life," Emil said. "Includin' enslavin' elves, breakin' an' enterin', drivin' magical sleighs wit'out a license, over-impulsive eatin', plottin' t' destroy all chimneys, an' puttin' hot coal in children's socks, which everyone knows is quite de fire risk."

"So, how do you plan on defeatin' Santa?" Theo asks, skeptical.

Emil's eyes lit up and a maniacal grin grew on his face. "'M glad y' asked, Soldier."

* * *

"Aha!" Tante's voice rang out triumphantly. "T'ere y' are!"

Mercy froze. She'd been caught!

"Oh, hi, Tante," Mercy turned around and smiled at the elderly woman innocently.

"Jus' what are y' doin' outside o' y' room?" Tante demanded.

"Uh, nothin'."

"'M sure. On de bright side, it time t' take y' medicine," Tante grinned.

"...HENRI, HELP!"

* * *

"...And dat is what we mus' do it at eleven fifty-nine PM Christmas Eve," Emil concluded.

Remy, Etienne, and Theo stared at Emil.

"So, how d' y' like _mon_ plan?" Emil looked at them expectantly.

They blinked.

"It sounds...goofy," Etienne said at last.

"Goofy?!" Emil exclaimed, shocked. "_Mon _plan is genius!"

"I jus' don' t'ink dat burnin' cabbage in all de chimneys while singin' an' dancin' t' an Anti-Santa song is gon' work," Etienne shrugged.

"'M olde' t'en y'," Emil pointed out. "Dat means dat I be smarter! Now hush up!"

"'M olde' t'en all o' y', an' I t'ink it's _stupid_," Theo stated.

"Soldiers, I shall no' take dis kinda diso…diso..." Emil struggled to find the right word. "...Disobedience! Yeah, disobedience! I shall take none o' it!"

"But..."

"No buts! We mus' go t'rough wit' de plan wit' no more interruptions!"

"How do we get the cabbage?" Etienne asked.

"...'M still workin' on dat," Emil admitted guiltily.

"What happens if we can't get cabbage?" Remy asked skeptically.

"T'en, Soldier," Emil said somberly. "We will have failed…an' de world will blow up!"

"Blow up? That's what you're going with?" Theo shook his head.

"I go wit' de truth!" Emil stomped his little foot angrily.

"Sure," Theo rolled his eyes.

* * *

"I don' t'ink I can help y' get out o' dis one," Henri said slowly.

"What?!" Mercy exclaimed. "No fair!"

Henri winced. "Sorry…"

Tante rolled her eyes. "It jus' medicine!"

Mercy sulked.

Tante grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter and rummaged through it, before pulling out a dark blue, paper packet. She pulled a small glass from the cabinet above the sink and filled it with water.

"What's dat?" Mercy asked.

"Alka-Seltzer Plus," Tante grinned sadistically. "It's a cold reliever. Should help."

Mercy glared at Henri. Henri flinced.

Tante ripped the Alka-Seltzer Plus packet open and grabbed the two white, round, flat tablets that were inside. She dumped the two tablets in the the glass of water. Immediately, the water fizzed as the tablets began to dissolve.

A minute later, the tablets had dissolved completely.

Tante offered the glass to Mercy, grinning. "Drink up."

* * *

Emil and his small, but terrifying, army crept into the hallway.

"Soldiers, get on de floor!" Emil ordered.

"…Why?" Remy asked.

"Cause, we need t' army crawl t'rough de hall!" Emil explained.

"Why?"

"So no one will see us!"

"Jus' cause we army crawlin' don' mean no one gon' see us," Theo said.

"Jus' do it!" Emil snapped.

* * *

Mercy sniffed the glass of clear liquid in front of her.

"Smells like cleanin' supplies," she commented. "Mixed wit' soda…wit' a pinch o' orange."

"Jus' drink it already," Tante rolled her eyes.

Pinching her nose, Mercy grabbed the glass and drank its contents as quickly as possible.

Mercy set the glass back down. "I was right. Tastes like cleanin' supplies, soda, an' oranges."

Tante shook her head then waved Mercy and Henri away. "Y' can go now. Shoo!"

* * *

"Why are we doin' dis again?" Theo asked, as he, Etienne, and Remy sneaked toward the kitchen.

"De cookies, duh!" Remy snorted.

"Oh, yeah."

Emil came up from behind them, once again chewing a candy cane. "Y' ready fo' dis, soldiers?"

"Y' really wan' us t' break int' de kitchen an' steal cabbage?" Theo winced.

Emil nodded.

Theo grimaced.

Remy patted Theo on the back. "Remember de cookies."

They soon reached their destination.

Emil pressed his ear against the door. "Soun's like Tante's in t'ere…"

"Really?" Etienne said. "Lemme hear!"

Etienne came up beside Emil and he too pressed his head against the door.

"Give Remy a turn!" Remy grumbled, trying to wedge himself between the two.

* * *

After Mercy had taken her medicine, she had quickly retreated from the kitchen, going who knows where, and dragging Henri along with her.

Tante grabbed a broom from the corner and started sweeping the floor.

Suddenly, there was a crash from behind her. She whirled to see Emil, Theo, Remy and Etienne in a pile on the floor. From the looks of it, all four of them had been leaning against the door, and the door had opened unexpectedly from the weight.

"Jus' what do y' t'ink y' doin'?" Tante demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"Um….." Remy struggled to find an explanation.

"We need cabbage," Etienne says weakly.

"Oh, really?" Tante raised an eyebrow. "What eve' fo'?"

Emil stands up and bravely takes a step toward her. Emil seemed to be wearing some sort of homemade uniform.

"We need it t' defeat Santa Claus!" Emil explained, adjusting his cap.

"'M jus' here 'cause 'e said t'ere would be cookies," Theo shrugs, standing up.

Tante shook her head. "Santa Claus don' even exist!"

"He doesn'?!" Etienne blinked.

"_Non_," Tante said.

"…Remy's been lied t'!" Remy cried.

"I went t'rough all dat fo' nothin'?!" Theo exclaimed, stomping his tiny foot and looking rather adorable at the same time.

Emil shook his head. "De t'ings mommies tell t'eir children t'ese days! T'ey should be ashamed o' themselves, scarin' all t'ose kids like dat!"

Tante rolled her eyes. Kids.

* * *

Christmas had finally come, the breakfast had been eaten, and all of the presents had been opened.

Mercy glared at Emil. "I can' believe y' gave _moi_ tissues fo' Christmas!"

"What?" Emil blinked with big, blue eyes, the very picture of innocence. "I wanted t' give y' somet'in' y' could use!"

"Y' dead," Mercy growled.

"Uh-oh!" Emil squeaked.

* * *

"Henri!"

Henri turned around, only to be glomped by an over-excited, bright eyed Remy.

"Hey," Henri grinned, ruffling Remy's hair.

"Guess what?" Remy smiled.

"_Quoi_?"

"Jean-Luc gave Remy thirty bucks!" Remy said happily.

Henri paused. "…Really?"

Remy pulled a small bundle of green paper out of his pocket. "See?"

Henri ruffled Remy's hair once more. "'M glad y' got somet'in' y' could use."

"What 'bout y'?" Remy asked. "What did y' get from Jean-Luc?"

Henri bit his lip. He was afraid this was going to come up. "Well, uh….I guess Jean-Luc, um…I guess 'e forgot."

"Forgot?" Remy repeated, confused.

Henri sighed. "_Oui_, 'e's been really busy as o' late…"

Remy shook his head. "Wow, Jean-Luc really does have a bad memory!"

"I guess 'e does," Henri nodded.

"Anyway, Remy was t'inkin'….maybe Tante left de rest o' t'ose Christmas cookies out?" Remy suggested.

Henri smiled mischievously. "Only one way t' find out."

* * *

...Well? What did you think? Hate? Love? Be sure to tell me!

Remember, Anonymous Reviews are Awesome, Constructive Criticism is Cool, and all Flames will be Used to Burn Cabbage in order to defeat Santa.


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